Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize