The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
