Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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