New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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