No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
