I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i came on her dog
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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