Yo dont text me then not text me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
