what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
