when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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