Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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