New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
