Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
