And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
