You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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