I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
