dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We have started to decorate penises.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
