the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
