just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
