Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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