I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize