You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
