he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
BRING THE BAGELS
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
