he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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