Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dear god my vagina.
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