So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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