I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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