Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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