The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
