either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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