I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
