woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
