If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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