I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
