Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
