I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
