how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
