just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
