she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
