you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
