At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
