Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
