just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
