Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize