Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
