i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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