so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
