I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
