All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
