i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
