I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
