"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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