This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
