my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm too high and old for this...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
