i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
