I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize