A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
