We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He? As in you personified your dick?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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