You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
