Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
