They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
