I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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