just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
