I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
