I feel like abortions should bother me more
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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