She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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