You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
