you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
