Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
