Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
