So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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